15_hr_delay

Left hanging on Kensei's door is a picture Mashiro dug up on accident while she was snooping around for Izuru. The picture is simply framed, but the frame is not what's important. In the image is Kensei, Heizou, Shinobu, and Toudou goofing an office. There's a bit of Kaname's hair sticking into the picture from the right corner, and the image itself was taken by Mashiro leaving it slightly uneven. Written on the back is a note:
Never give up on the good times!
Happy Birthday, Kensei!

Love, M ♥ shiro

[This journal entry was meant to be private, but it failed to be so.]

I never understood why nightmares had to be so scary. If it's in your head and you know it's only a dream, why do you get scared? It's not real. It can't actually hurt you. But you lose sleep from it anyway and it starts to drive you crazy. Some nights I don't sleep at all, like I'm too afraid to even close my eyes. I think it's true. I can see my nightmares when I close my eyes in the middle of the day, when I'm staring at the sky, or when I'm not doing anything in relation to it at all. I hate it. I want it to stop.

No matter what I've told myself, it doesn't help.

What I hate more than my nightmare is how it happened. If I could have kept control I wouldn't have changed. I wouldn't have attacked anyway. I wouldn't have been given these terrors.

It's true that some nights they're not bad, I don't even get them. I can sleep all night for ten hours and not have to wake up sweating or crying. Last night, though, was the worst. I slept about an hour before having to get up and walk around. At least it was nice outside the division. Quiet. I talked to a few men who were on watch duty, though most of the Shinigami don't seem to want to talk to me anymore, either.

It wasn't my fault.

It never was my fault.

It's not any Vaizard's fault!

I hate the people who hate us. It's not fair.

But I don't hate them enough to care enough to do anything. Those people aren't worth the aggravation. They'll see, one day. They'll see. Until then I just have to look at everyone equally, because deep down that's what we all are. Equals.

I also don't hate Izuru for doing this to me. The nightmares aren't his fault, even if it was his bankai. That's what he does. It was the only way to stop me. I know what I can do with my mask on. It's weird and frightening to think I did something without being able to control it. I think more than anything I just hate myself because I was too weak.

No one would train with me, though. I can't get stronger if I don't try to work it off. But no one would train with me. I don't want to ask one of the guys. Kensei's trained with me for decades, he's probably sick of it. The same old thing. That, and he's probably busy working for Renji. It sounds like something big went down the other day. Renji, Izuru, and Hitsugaya-taichou didn't look to hot when I saw them briefly. I wonder what happened.

I don't want to ask Shinji or Lisa or Rose. They have their own things to do. And I can't ask anyone in my division. Even if they smile at me and wave on their own, I don't think they'd like to face swords with me. I shouldn't ask Izuru either--whether he's healed from whatever happened or not! He's done enough for me.

Maybe I'll go find someone who will fight. I'd say asking someone in the Eleventh, but I'm kind of afraid they won't stop fighting once we start.

Guess I'm on my own for training. And these nightmares will stop eventually. I just have to wait it out and tell myself it's just a dream. Nothing's going to happen.

Kensei!! I'm hungry!!!!!

Lets go out and eat with Shinji and the others!

I can't believe the month is almost over? This is like, ridiculous. How is it already May?! Oh my gosh. So much to do and so little time! I don't even know where to start!!! Ahhh. My reports are done, though, which is good. Yay, me. But I have ZERO time for naps anymore! ZUZU YOU'RE WORKIN ME TOO HARD!

Shinji....Shiiiiiiinji....Can I tell everyone yet? It's been a few days! I think everything is-OMG WHERE ARE YOU GONNA STAY.

Zuzu! Zuzu! Can I have a roommate?

Zuzu! Zuzu! I neve-I. . .did I give you my. . .did. . .hm. Never mind.



KENSEI. You're SUCH a boob! I can't believe you're did this to me! You're SO mean and cruel. And a jerk. And a perv! Nyaaa~

*This message was recorded the morning after the attack where Mashiro awakes in a room like Kensei's. She turns on the device and starts to speak quickly but loudly and earnestly.*


ZUZU! HELP!! I DON'T WANNA BE IN HERE! I didn't...want to do that! YOU KNOW THAT! Waa-No! Wait! Heey! Give it back!

*There are sounds of struggle as one of the Fourth tries to take the device away*

I'm-not-DONE! ZUZ-


*End*

Ahh~ I'm feeling a lot better! I guess whatever I had ran its course and left! Yay.

Kensei, I hate you for making me that sick. I've never, ever been sick like that before. It's your fault and I blame you. So there.

Zuzu~ I'm gonna stop by later. I got some more notes for you that I got this morning while I was out getting some air!



[[Please take note that today, March 31, Mashiro will be going hollow. There may have been a lapse in her sickness, but a log will be backdated for today once our darling Ama has returned from her tripity trip. <3]]

Kensei. You're a jerk.

Zuzu. I don't feel so good. I'm gonna lay down fo

Everyone is so sick! The Fourth is going to be in overdrive! Waaah. No one in the Third get sick, okay? Don't you dare!!

I like it here~ Izuru is a very good captain. The Third isn't bad, either. They're pretty accepting and I've had more questions about my hair than my, ah....race.

???

Anyway~ Renji, do you wanna go out Sunday? I'm kinda free everyday, but Sunday is best because I have nothing planned! <3333

Rukia and I had so much fun the other day! Thanks, Rukia!

( Valentine's Gift to: Ichigo, Izuru, Jyuushirou, Kensei, Renji, Rose, Shuuhei. )

[Backdated to Tuesday]

( Private to Kensei )

---
( Private to Rose )

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( Private to Izuru )

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I'm not so bored anymore~

I am so bored!!!!!! At least when Kensei didn't want to play I could hang out with Hachin. But Hachin isn't here! Lisa and Rose aren't as fun! Ugh.

Oh! I'm going to go outside! Maybe I'll play on the swing!

There he does, Lisa. Our little Kensei is all grown up now. . .At least we still have Rose to take care of. Waaah, but what'll we do when he grows up, too?

To Everyone

I am not leaving Seireitei, ever. You can't make me.

I

Kensei, what's happening? I don't understand.

It's so cool that we can be unseated Shinigami again. I mean, it's not great, but it's a start! I'm so proud of Kensei, too. If anyone can make it work, he can! <3

Lisa~ Lets go shopping!

So I know I've been napping, but I still don't know where Kensei is.

Lisa, Rose? Have you seen him? Ukitake-taichou, have you?

I don't think writing all of those mean things was right. I think it was really inappropriate and stupid. Their opinions are. . .misguided. They don't know us. If they did none of that would be on those walls. I'm sorry that happened. I realize it's not entirely my fault.

Meanies.